May 23, 2009

I got my neck brace off last Monday. I am supposed to wean myself from it over the next two weeks. I was told to do what my pain level would allow. Actually, there has been very little pain from my neck so I have only worn the brace when I am in a car. It is wonderful. I am putting my version of the accident. I warn you if you want to read it, it is long so get a brownie and a glass of milk.



Saturday, April 11 was just like any other Saturday except it was the day before Easter and, of course, I had put off getting things ready for Easter so I spent the day running to grocery stores and getting things ready for my ever popular easter egg hunt where the prizes are truly fantastic things gotten from all a dollar. This year though I had decided to get good prizes and had begun my quest getting gift cards that I was going to make into a game for my children. Meg was invited to a wedding reception for one of the leaders of her special mutual that she was very excited to go to. Ryan, my 2 year old grandson, had croup and a 5 day old sister that we were all worried about so Colby, Meg and I picked up Ryan and were going to keep him for a couple of days until he had been on medication long enough that hopefully Ellie would be able to stay well and not end up in the hospital with RSV like Ryan had when he was a baby. When we arrived at the wedding reception, the line was sooooo long. I had walked into the church with Meg and wondered how long Ryan would be good sitting in the car waiting because I knew that there was at least an hour wait. There were some girls in line that invited Meg to wait with them and I told Meg I would go sit in the car with Colby and Ryan. There was an arctic Circle just a couple of blocks from the church so I decided Colby and I should take Ryan for an ice cream cone. He would like that, right? We ordered our treats and then I began to make a left hand turn to head back to the church. All I remember is being in the middle of the street watching a cars headlights heading right for me. I was thinking “I need to get out of here” but I think I went into shock. I don't think my foot was on the gas. I think I just froze and in an instant I could feel the impact of the car as it hit the drivers side of the car. I was driving and I remember groaning and feeling pain but I was worried about Meg. Who would find her? I could feel myself slipping and then Colby yelling at me. For anyone who knows Colby, you know that he NEVER yells at me but he was that night. He kept yelling at me, “Jan, don't you leave me, stay with me”. That jolted me back to reality for just a minute until I lost consciousness. I missed all of the excitement of an ambulence ride. Can you imagine, $1900 dollars for a ride in a car that I can't even remember taking. Evidentally, there were a lot of people at the hospital for me but the first thing I remember Colby telling me was that Ryan was OK. What a relief. I would have wanted to really die if anything had happened to him. During that night in the ICU (I didn't know at the time that I was in the ICU) I heard the doctors telling Colby that it would take possibly 3-6 months for me to heal. I remember thinking “oh, pleeeeease, I'm going to work on Monday”. Then the nurse tried to move me and I knew that work on Monday was definitely out. I have never experienced such excruciating pain in my life. I was told that I had the same fracture in the neck that Christopher Reeve had except my spinal chord had not been affected. Everyone in the hospital it seemed wanted to watch my fingers and toes move and wanted me to squeeze their fingers. I was happy to do soThe first day after the accident, I was grateful to Colby for jolting me back to reality by yelling at me. The second day after the accident, I asked him why he didn't let me die. They kept moving my legs and the fractures in my pelvis and my ribs just kept me in constant pain. The neurosurgeon did surgery on my neck Tuesday some time. All I know is I was handed a form outside of the operating room to sign giving them permission to operate. I think it was about the fourth day after the accident that I was taken to a regular room. It was important to get me up they said. It was horrible. My legs felt like there was no way they could support me. I worked up a sweat just by standing. I was able to get into the bathroom finally but it took every ounce of energy I could muster. By the time I would get back to my bed, my clothes were drenched because of the work out it was. After being “teased” by being in a regular room for a couple of days and having food and drink, I was taken back to ICU because I had a couple of blood clots in my lungs, I also had pneumonia and they discovered that my spleen was also oozing blood. I was given 3 units of blood and that seemed to stop the bleeding in my spleen. I was going to ask, what else? But I stopped myself thinking if I asked that maybe the Lord would say “You want more? OK.” I was not able to eat or drink again because there was a possibility I would need more surgery. That day in the ICU proved to be the low point. There was a nurse that decided he would help me sit up. He grabbed me under my arm and tried to lift me up. I was literally screaming in pain. I was put on oxygen because I couldn't even get in the 80's without the oxygen. After my spleen stopped bleeding and I had been put on heparin for the blood clots, they decided it would be ok to go back to a regular room the next day. I was so happy to be able to get out of ICU. It was so noisy there and I just felt like they didn't care. I began physical therapy in the hospital. It consisted mainly of me getting out of bed without assistance. I had a device that I could use to put my foot in and very painfully move my legs out of the bed. I was taught how to stand up with the aid of my walker. It seemed so unreal that this was happening. It was during this time in the hospital that Ali and Kara took over the mom roles at home for Meg, sammie and Kaysha and Haley decided that she would come to Utah to take care of things for me. After 9 days in the hospital, it was decided that the next step would be to send me to Healthsouth rehabilitation hospital since there was no way that I could care for myself. I was still not able to dress myself or move very well. I was moved to Healthsouth and Haley and her kids came to town. I was so grateful for all of the company that I had at the hospital and healthsouth. The days are very long when all you can do it watch television and that was about all I could do since I couldn't move my neck and my line of vision was very limited. I heard someone say that if an accident doesn't kill you, physical therapy will. I believe this! I would have 3 hours of therapy each day at healthsouth. Two hours of physical therapy and one hour of occupational therapy where they mainly tried to keep my upper body strong. I would take pain medication about ½ hour before therapy so I could stand it and then I would wheel myself back to my room and cry for about an hour. This did ease up a bit. There were a couple of days I didn't cry at all for the whole day. After 16 days there, it was definitely time to come home. I could now shower by myself and dress myself. It was still a painful process but I could do it. I was told in the hospital that I could put full pressure on my left foot but because of the fracture on my right side of the pelvis that I should just toe touch pressure on the right so I did that for 2 weeks until it was time to see the orthopedist again and take more x rays to see how things were going. It was discovered at that visit that I had an almost identical fracture on my left side that was somehow not seen. That certainly explained the pain I had been feeling as I tried to lift my left leg and it just would not respond. But, as weird as this sounds, I am grateful they didn't find that fracture or I would have been completely non weight bearing for that time. That would have been so hard for me. I thank everyone for the visits, the gifts, the prayers and the love that have been showered on me and my family. I believe that there are accidents that happen and that not everything has to be part of a grand design. I believe that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time but I know that I have so much to be grateful for. I had the same injury that paralyzed Christoper Reeves but I am not paralyzed, Colby had a contusion and was not seriously injured. Who would ever have found Meg if he would not have been able to get hold of someone? Probably the greatest miracle was that Ryan was right behind me and it was as if he was protected in some kind of bubble. If I would have stepped on the gas instead of going into shock and freezing, he possibly would have taken the hit instead of me. One day in healthsouth as I was praying and thanking the Lord for sparing my life I realized how much my Savior truly loves his children. I was praying that if someone had to be hurt, I was so grateful it was me and not Colby or Ryan. I would take the pain over and over just to not have them have to experience it and I felt the sweetest feeling of love and I knew that Jesus felt that way also. He so willingly took upon Him all of the pains of this world whether it be from sin or illness or accident and He did so because He loves us. I know that what I experienced is nothing compared to what he experienced in the garden of Gethsemanie. My niece, Angie made a plaque that was a quote from David Bednar for me. The quote is “In the strength of the Lord we can do and endure and overcome all things. I put that in a prominent place in Healthsouth so it could be a constant reminder to me every day that I can't do anything without the strength of the Lord. This life is a process and as we do what needs to be done, we learn to endure and finally through the strength that comes only from the Lord we can overcome our obstacles. I have been in constant pain for the past six weeks now. I know though that eventually I will be able to overcome this affliction. I am grateful for the power of the priesthood that I know has blessed my life over and over again. I am grateful to have a husband and a son who were with me immediately to use that priesthood in my behalf. I am grateful to a wonderful family who have been so willing to sacrifice their time to help. I have a great dad who has been so worried and concerned and sisters and friends who check on me and are willing to do whatever they can to help. I seem to cry all of the time but the tears mean different things at different times. Sometimes it is the pain, but very often it is gratitude for my many blessings.
I pray that God will help me always see the good in life and in people.
What good are life's lessons if you can't learn from them?