July 13, 2009

This is a good time to write as I am waiting up for Sammie and Kaysha to get home from play practice. It is a late one tonight because it is getting closer to opening night.
Since my last blog, Sammie was involved in a fender bender. She was in a parking lot, opened her door and bent down to grab her purse and someone pulled in the spot next to her quickly and bent the door pretty badly. Luckily Sammie's foot wasn't any further out the door or it could have been her leg. I am starting to think that there is a magnet attached to any car that we have or a sign that says "Please hit me". Colby and I went to Walmart the other day and as we were leaving Colby's face just sunk and he was saying "oh, no" . We had taken the car we had just bought to replace the car that got totalled in the accident. The car we were looking at had a huge dent. Of course, we are thinking that the insurance is going to cancel us. We can't afford to get that taken care of. There were dirty scrapes around the dent. After just a few seconds I noticed that there was a pink car seat in the back seat and I knew that Meg had not ridden in that. We were at the wrong car. What a relief!!!!!!
I really am feeling so much better. I saw the orthopedist last Thursday and had x rays taken. He told me that clinically my pelvic fractures are healed but it will take another 12 - 20 weeks before they are back to normal. There was a minor amount of shifting in the pelvis but not enough to give me any permanent damage. I was told to do what I could but not to overdo and to take days of rest occasionally when I need them. I am walking much better. It is easier and I don't need to concentrate as hard to make my steps not so hard. The neurosurgeon appt is next Monday and I need to have x rays of my neck before then. I am so hopeful that this will soon all be done and I can quit going to doctors. I am debating on whether or not to follow up with any further physical therapy. It is hard to find the time to do it and after I have worked all day, I am really exhausted. I have thought that I may call the therapist and see if he can see me maybe once a week or once every other week and give me some exercises that I can do on my own at the gym. It is easier to go to the gym in the early morning before my day gets going.
Life is in full swing now. I drove on the freeway for the first time since the accident last week. It was a little unnerving but the biggest fear that I have faced was having my grandson in the car with me and driving with him in the car. It all worked out ok. Ryan was excited to ride in grandma's car. I wouldn't have been if I were him after what happened last time but he either has forgotten the incident or he has more faith in me than I have in myself.
Nikki had her birthday party last Saturday. She was so funny. She would open every present that anyone had given her and then stand up and give the present back. She just didn't understand the concept that the presents were for her and were not just given to her to open. Ari was baptised last Saturday. She is so sweet and I was so proud of her. We had a dinner at Chad and Sandi's house after the baptism. Eric had to stay in the basement in his room because he has pneumonia. They are trying very hard to keep the house sanitized and keep him away from the baby. I am going to fly to Haley's in November. I will watch the kids while she runs the Richmond marathon. I am excited to see all of them also.
Other than that, life is just busy taking care of my family, going to work, doing my church calling and whatever other things happen to come along. Life is good and I am so glad to be alive.

June 29, 2009

It has been a while so I might as well post while I wait for Sammie and Kaysha to come home. Things are progressing for me. I have started using Mondays for my "progress report". Each Monday I look back and see if I feel any better and if things are getting any easier for me. I have been able to walk more without crutches. My walking is pretty heavy and awkward so I pretend that I have a string attached to the top of my head and it is pulling me up. When I remember to do that (as long as the pain isn't too bad) I really do walk better. Some days I get pretty excited because I feel like the walking is getting pretty close to normal. That, unfortunately, doesn't last long, but I enjoy it while I can.
I went to St. George with some of my sisters last Thursday to Sunday. It was a lot of fun. We had a chance to reminisce, went to a show at Tuacan, shopping, of course, watched a movie together, ate, and spent time at the pool. It was very relaxing. I really do love being with them. Colby, Meg and I went to the Utah Symphony in the park tonight and watched fireworks. It was so good. Ali, Eric and the kids met us there. I get so emotional when those patriotic songs are played. I am very happy to live in this country. I think so often people are only thinking of things that are wrong that we very often don't remember how many things are right with our country. Our family loves the fourth of July. The parade is coming up and that is one of the highlights of our whole year. We love to go. I am so happy to be alive!!!!!!!!!!

June 13 - update

It has been a week since my last post so it is time to update a little. It was a pretty uneventful week last week. Kaysha went to an outdoor youth adventure and just got home last night. This was to be a week full of adventure..... river trip, jungle gyms, rock climbing, trek, sleeping in teepees every night, etc. She was very excited as this is just Kaysha; however, she ended up sleeping in the lodge for two nights upchucking. She was pretty bummed but made the most of it anyway. After all, she was able to watch 6 movies while she was there. I was proud of her that she still said she had a great time.
Sammie gets home tomorrow from New York. I think she has worn Haley completely out. Thanks Haley for showing her such a wonderful time. You and Wayne need a vacation when this is done. It will be good to have her home.
Meg continues to help me. I am trying to move more without my crutches. The more I do that, the more it hurts after a while and I find I am holding my breath so I need to remind myself to breathe. Meg hurries to my side with crutches or just her hand to steady me. She is so good to be my "runner" at times when I just can't do it. I had more x rays of my pelvis done last week and the doctor said I am healing well. When I discussed the pain issues with him and asked him what I needed to do to help the pain, he said "work it". He told me that I might overdo one day and if so I would know to not do that much the next day. I decided to put it to the test. He probably told that to the wrong person because the next morning I got up and went with my "gym buddy" to the gym for the first time in 2 months. It was so good to catch up and it felt good to exercise. I didn't do the class and we were only there about 35 - 40 minutes but it was a start. Thanks Wendy for driving. Probably everyone will be so happy when I can drive myself again. My kids have been so good to drive me everywhere I need to be or want to be. I am a "basket case" in the car. I have told Colby that I need a blindfold before I get in. He is a really good driver but I am looking everywhere all of the time. The car we got has such dark tinted windows, it is difficult to see especially at night so next week I am getting that taken care of. Ali is driving the car into a shop and I am having the tinting removed from the driver and passenger side in the front. I tried to do it myself but I just couldn't. I get very light headed when I hold my head up for a prolonged amount of time.
I feel that my healing is making a major breakthrough. I really did wear myself out after my doctors appt when he told me to "work it". I have not been able to sleep on my side because of the pain that would go into my inner thighs but the last 2 nights I have been able to move my legs without pain and have been able to sleep on my side. It was a happy day for me.
This has been such a long drawn out ordeal and I need to thank my sweetheart. So many people have done so much for me but no one has done more for me than my husband. I am so grateful to him for his patience (especially when I am in the car trying to use the imaginary brake on the passenger side. Pretty soon I will have made a hole through the floorboard and I will be able to dig my heels into the asphalt.) I am grateful for his help as he has tried to do everything within his power to make everything in our home pleasant as I recover. I don't know what I would do without him. By the way we went on our first date together 40 years ago today. I just can't be that old, can I?

June 5, 2009 - graduation

It was graduation day today for Sammie. I can't believe she is that old. She is beautiful inside and out and I feel so grateful that she is mine. She came home a few nights ago after her last dance performance and let Colby and I know that she was home and said goodnight but she only took a few steps down the hall and turned around and came back and said "thanks for supporting me the last 3 years" WOW!!!!! IT WAS PAYDAY!!!. She is going to the all night graduation party tonight and Colby and I are going to work the 2:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m. shift. I figure, why not, I can't sleep anyway. Insomnia seems to be my new companion. My body has learned to function on about 3-4 hours of sleep a night and I am having a hard time even getting that tonight. Kaysha has begun her summer partying by going out last night to a movie and tonight with another friend roller skating and enjoying all of the things at classic skating. Both girls have trips planned next week so it is going to be very quiet here. Hopefully cheap too.
I am going to start work next Monday. I will go back 3-4 hrs for 3 days a week and ease into the schedule for two weeks before I resume my normal schedule. It feels like I have had a lot of healing in the last two days. Water therapy last Thursday felt so good. I am thinking it is helping and that makes me so happy. I did go to the graduation in the wheelchair. I debated whether or not to do that but when I saw all of the people being so uncomfortable on the bleachers, I was so grateful I had a nice comfortable seat. We went to Leatherby's after the graduation and had our traditional ice cream feast. It seems strange to think that my oldest grandson graduated from 6th grade today as well. I can't be that old.

May 25, 2009

This has been day two with no pain medication for me. I am trying hard to just be done with it. Nights are still very hard for me because I have to lay in one position all night. I start my physical therapy tomorrow for my neck. I am not looking very forward to that. I am hoping to be back to work in a couple of weeks. June 15 is my target date. I am just waiting to see how therapy goes and how quickly my neck loosens up. Things are looking up. I have gone all day today without crying. Maybe the pain medication was making me extra emotional. I'll blame that for now instead of me being just plain crazy.

May 23, 2009

I got my neck brace off last Monday. I am supposed to wean myself from it over the next two weeks. I was told to do what my pain level would allow. Actually, there has been very little pain from my neck so I have only worn the brace when I am in a car. It is wonderful. I am putting my version of the accident. I warn you if you want to read it, it is long so get a brownie and a glass of milk.



Saturday, April 11 was just like any other Saturday except it was the day before Easter and, of course, I had put off getting things ready for Easter so I spent the day running to grocery stores and getting things ready for my ever popular easter egg hunt where the prizes are truly fantastic things gotten from all a dollar. This year though I had decided to get good prizes and had begun my quest getting gift cards that I was going to make into a game for my children. Meg was invited to a wedding reception for one of the leaders of her special mutual that she was very excited to go to. Ryan, my 2 year old grandson, had croup and a 5 day old sister that we were all worried about so Colby, Meg and I picked up Ryan and were going to keep him for a couple of days until he had been on medication long enough that hopefully Ellie would be able to stay well and not end up in the hospital with RSV like Ryan had when he was a baby. When we arrived at the wedding reception, the line was sooooo long. I had walked into the church with Meg and wondered how long Ryan would be good sitting in the car waiting because I knew that there was at least an hour wait. There were some girls in line that invited Meg to wait with them and I told Meg I would go sit in the car with Colby and Ryan. There was an arctic Circle just a couple of blocks from the church so I decided Colby and I should take Ryan for an ice cream cone. He would like that, right? We ordered our treats and then I began to make a left hand turn to head back to the church. All I remember is being in the middle of the street watching a cars headlights heading right for me. I was thinking “I need to get out of here” but I think I went into shock. I don't think my foot was on the gas. I think I just froze and in an instant I could feel the impact of the car as it hit the drivers side of the car. I was driving and I remember groaning and feeling pain but I was worried about Meg. Who would find her? I could feel myself slipping and then Colby yelling at me. For anyone who knows Colby, you know that he NEVER yells at me but he was that night. He kept yelling at me, “Jan, don't you leave me, stay with me”. That jolted me back to reality for just a minute until I lost consciousness. I missed all of the excitement of an ambulence ride. Can you imagine, $1900 dollars for a ride in a car that I can't even remember taking. Evidentally, there were a lot of people at the hospital for me but the first thing I remember Colby telling me was that Ryan was OK. What a relief. I would have wanted to really die if anything had happened to him. During that night in the ICU (I didn't know at the time that I was in the ICU) I heard the doctors telling Colby that it would take possibly 3-6 months for me to heal. I remember thinking “oh, pleeeeease, I'm going to work on Monday”. Then the nurse tried to move me and I knew that work on Monday was definitely out. I have never experienced such excruciating pain in my life. I was told that I had the same fracture in the neck that Christopher Reeve had except my spinal chord had not been affected. Everyone in the hospital it seemed wanted to watch my fingers and toes move and wanted me to squeeze their fingers. I was happy to do soThe first day after the accident, I was grateful to Colby for jolting me back to reality by yelling at me. The second day after the accident, I asked him why he didn't let me die. They kept moving my legs and the fractures in my pelvis and my ribs just kept me in constant pain. The neurosurgeon did surgery on my neck Tuesday some time. All I know is I was handed a form outside of the operating room to sign giving them permission to operate. I think it was about the fourth day after the accident that I was taken to a regular room. It was important to get me up they said. It was horrible. My legs felt like there was no way they could support me. I worked up a sweat just by standing. I was able to get into the bathroom finally but it took every ounce of energy I could muster. By the time I would get back to my bed, my clothes were drenched because of the work out it was. After being “teased” by being in a regular room for a couple of days and having food and drink, I was taken back to ICU because I had a couple of blood clots in my lungs, I also had pneumonia and they discovered that my spleen was also oozing blood. I was given 3 units of blood and that seemed to stop the bleeding in my spleen. I was going to ask, what else? But I stopped myself thinking if I asked that maybe the Lord would say “You want more? OK.” I was not able to eat or drink again because there was a possibility I would need more surgery. That day in the ICU proved to be the low point. There was a nurse that decided he would help me sit up. He grabbed me under my arm and tried to lift me up. I was literally screaming in pain. I was put on oxygen because I couldn't even get in the 80's without the oxygen. After my spleen stopped bleeding and I had been put on heparin for the blood clots, they decided it would be ok to go back to a regular room the next day. I was so happy to be able to get out of ICU. It was so noisy there and I just felt like they didn't care. I began physical therapy in the hospital. It consisted mainly of me getting out of bed without assistance. I had a device that I could use to put my foot in and very painfully move my legs out of the bed. I was taught how to stand up with the aid of my walker. It seemed so unreal that this was happening. It was during this time in the hospital that Ali and Kara took over the mom roles at home for Meg, sammie and Kaysha and Haley decided that she would come to Utah to take care of things for me. After 9 days in the hospital, it was decided that the next step would be to send me to Healthsouth rehabilitation hospital since there was no way that I could care for myself. I was still not able to dress myself or move very well. I was moved to Healthsouth and Haley and her kids came to town. I was so grateful for all of the company that I had at the hospital and healthsouth. The days are very long when all you can do it watch television and that was about all I could do since I couldn't move my neck and my line of vision was very limited. I heard someone say that if an accident doesn't kill you, physical therapy will. I believe this! I would have 3 hours of therapy each day at healthsouth. Two hours of physical therapy and one hour of occupational therapy where they mainly tried to keep my upper body strong. I would take pain medication about ½ hour before therapy so I could stand it and then I would wheel myself back to my room and cry for about an hour. This did ease up a bit. There were a couple of days I didn't cry at all for the whole day. After 16 days there, it was definitely time to come home. I could now shower by myself and dress myself. It was still a painful process but I could do it. I was told in the hospital that I could put full pressure on my left foot but because of the fracture on my right side of the pelvis that I should just toe touch pressure on the right so I did that for 2 weeks until it was time to see the orthopedist again and take more x rays to see how things were going. It was discovered at that visit that I had an almost identical fracture on my left side that was somehow not seen. That certainly explained the pain I had been feeling as I tried to lift my left leg and it just would not respond. But, as weird as this sounds, I am grateful they didn't find that fracture or I would have been completely non weight bearing for that time. That would have been so hard for me. I thank everyone for the visits, the gifts, the prayers and the love that have been showered on me and my family. I believe that there are accidents that happen and that not everything has to be part of a grand design. I believe that I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time but I know that I have so much to be grateful for. I had the same injury that paralyzed Christoper Reeves but I am not paralyzed, Colby had a contusion and was not seriously injured. Who would ever have found Meg if he would not have been able to get hold of someone? Probably the greatest miracle was that Ryan was right behind me and it was as if he was protected in some kind of bubble. If I would have stepped on the gas instead of going into shock and freezing, he possibly would have taken the hit instead of me. One day in healthsouth as I was praying and thanking the Lord for sparing my life I realized how much my Savior truly loves his children. I was praying that if someone had to be hurt, I was so grateful it was me and not Colby or Ryan. I would take the pain over and over just to not have them have to experience it and I felt the sweetest feeling of love and I knew that Jesus felt that way also. He so willingly took upon Him all of the pains of this world whether it be from sin or illness or accident and He did so because He loves us. I know that what I experienced is nothing compared to what he experienced in the garden of Gethsemanie. My niece, Angie made a plaque that was a quote from David Bednar for me. The quote is “In the strength of the Lord we can do and endure and overcome all things. I put that in a prominent place in Healthsouth so it could be a constant reminder to me every day that I can't do anything without the strength of the Lord. This life is a process and as we do what needs to be done, we learn to endure and finally through the strength that comes only from the Lord we can overcome our obstacles. I have been in constant pain for the past six weeks now. I know though that eventually I will be able to overcome this affliction. I am grateful for the power of the priesthood that I know has blessed my life over and over again. I am grateful to have a husband and a son who were with me immediately to use that priesthood in my behalf. I am grateful to a wonderful family who have been so willing to sacrifice their time to help. I have a great dad who has been so worried and concerned and sisters and friends who check on me and are willing to do whatever they can to help. I seem to cry all of the time but the tears mean different things at different times. Sometimes it is the pain, but very often it is gratitude for my many blessings.
I pray that God will help me always see the good in life and in people.
What good are life's lessons if you can't learn from them?

May 13, 2009

There is no reason to post everyday it seems as progress seems so slow. Everyone keeps telling me how quick things are happening but I am completely useless. Ali and Kara come every day to take care of me and keep me company. I appreciate it so much but I feel bad at the same time because I am sure they would like to do something fun. Sitting with me is not fun. I tend to sleep a lot or groan. I actually am feeling pretty well right now. I have decided that I need to try better to keep ahead of the pain. Tomorrow is my appt with the orthopedist. Hopefully my bones will show that they are healing well on the x rays. I am hoping that they will let me start trying to walk with hand crutches. I am going to talk to the physical therapist about that tomorrow. Home health comes in twice a week. My coumadin level is good so I only need to have my blood tested at this point once a week. YEA!!!! My fingers are calloused from all of the times my fingers have been pricked to collect blood. Meg is having a great time in New York. That makes me very happy. I'll post more tomorrow if anything new happens.